this is ridiculous.
and den my itchy hands went to try putting a CAP of 3.5 (which i hope to get by the end of year 4) and the average i have to score during year 4 sem 2 is a CAP of 5.31 which is absurd cos getting an average of A/A+ for all subjects will only get me a CAP 5.
whatever it is, now i know i will never get Second Class (Lower).
maybe not even a Third Class Honours.
I just want to know whether it is important to me.
I thought it wasn't, and that it doesn't matter to me but i guess it does now.
was with my project mates yesterday doing the last project of this semester and somehow the girls ended up talking about their CAP, about how bad they score and all and when i said i scored badly too, one of the girls said that she got an A- and that is very bad cos it pulled her CAP down and all that bullshit and i just SHUT her off instantaneously.
what the fish.
i got a B- and i thought that i did a good job by not getting a C.
whatever.
different people got different expectations of themselves.
mine is just there, at the level which i am not that disappointed with myself, that as long as i get a degree i will be happy, be it what class it is. but i think that SUBconsciously, i do care. so does everyone else out there who say that they don't.
we are just trying to make ourselve feel better.
but am i really feeling good?
♥ adeL darling
just like the girl that i have been bitching about to all my other friends.
this is retribution.
bad.
thou shall not speak of any more evil.
no more yuckety yaks going to come out from my mouth now.
i am still disgusted by my dream.
more of fear i think. i was so scared of myself in my dream.
now, i am sure of one thing:
i don't wanna be that girL.
BLESS me.
♥ adeL darling
i hate my brain.
it just keeps thinking of bad stuffs, negative stuffs.
i want to be happy.
You Are 80% Boyish and 20% Girlish
You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it.
You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive.
Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself.
You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you.
♥ adeL darling
i'm not like the people out there who cry over their monday blues cos my mondays are simply well spent with my sweetheart =)
we used to just loiter or shop around aimlessly on our planned free days but i think exercising together on our free days make mondays more meaningful.
makes me feel happy, makes bin happy too.
and when TWO HAPPY PEOPLE get together, they LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
I am feeling better about our relationship, i think the credit goes to biN.
He understands my needs.
i can firmly say that bin is the man of my life.
♥ adeL darling
forget all about the earlier mood swings. it just got to happen. i just need to rant at something and i will be alright like now.
he got me red birkies from thailand. heh. love it =)
and stickers too!
muacks my love...
sleep tight!
♥ adeL darling
i am just not gracious enough to give and not to take. i take too much and maybe that explains my soreness in every conversation cos i cannot see the better side of him. i feel like a sore thumb poking out of him, like i'm just not part of him. maybe, this is just all my side of thinking, cos i am complicated.
i think that everything always seems fine to him.
i think that i think too much, too much that my thoughts just corrupt my mind cos i like to think aloud and not filter my thoughts so that it will sound better and not cause hurt to others.
i really need to think more.
i feel suffocated in my small little world, but am afraid of venturing out cos of fear or seeing the ugly side of people.
i don't wanna know what i don't want to.
i want to see the good side of man only. i think i am escaping, escaping from things that i do not want to know but kept knocking on my door to want me to know them.
i am an escapist (if there is such a word).
i just don't want to get hurt and be sad cos i have seen many from my family and friends and it scares me.
getting hurt scares the hell out of me.
i just want to be simple and safe and happy.
i just want to be me.
♥ adeL darling
i really need someone else or maybe no one.
i think i know now.
i always do just that i did something that hold me back.
whatever,
more free space, i'll give,
more this, i'll give,
more that, i'll give,
one day, i'll just give up on myself for wanting to be with you so badly and just let myself lose.
i tied myself down.
i really did it unapreciatively.
what a big fat fool...
i'm not complaining, i'm used to it.
you are used to it.
let it be then.
♥ adeL darling
do u think that i miss him? do u? do u?
i don't know. i think i do. i think.
maybe i'm too comfortable with bin and i knows that he loves me and all and i love him too and all and i know that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.
it's like kind of stale.
erm, like stale bread.
i really don't know what i am thinking.
i am out of my mind!
♥ adeL darling
*prays* '-'
everywhere is so messy now, having hurricanes, earthquakes, bombings, etc...
i really don't where is 100% safe for anyone to go and have a relaxing holiday. what ia happening to this earth?
anyways, deadlines are all nearing, next week's the deadline for law, cpm and gek. hope that all will go well. my group mates doesn't seem particularly kan cheong about law yet, all the meetings so far (2 only actually) are not fruitful, like building castles in the sky.
the results for gek's test is out today and i only got 68%. quite disappointing cos i thought i studied for it. was somehow expecting a 80% or something.
oh well, just have to work harder now.
no complaints.
you get what you put in after all =)
i am starting to believe in that after all these years...
going down town to watch april snow with bin later at 9.40pm, booked the tix this morning =) hope it is nice. i love cheesy movies... heh
♥ adeL darling
went to yishun's safra club with bin for a swim and the place is really damn well done up, looks really resorty...like coconut trees all over the place and all =)
i wanted to buy a coconut in so that we can sip it by the pool but bin said that i can pluck one from the trees by the pool. what the... '-'
i enjoy mondays. heh. really. He makes me feel wonderful on mondays and should i say, every other day toO.
by the way, i am in school now and there's this guy who's really kind of irritating cos he's telling me that he just come out of the irc cos the local girls are talking too much and he said that he knows that girls all over the world generally talk more than men but the local girls here talk more than the normal women. and then he starts to say about the psa port beside our faculty being the jurong island and i said no and then he goes into fishing, saying that it's the best sport cos it'all quiet and i said i have not tried fishing yet. and i kept wanting to focus on my lappy's screen and he just keeps striking a conversation. what is wrong with this guy? can't you see that i am local too and you, a big man is gossiping about me and my fellow girls? but at least now, i know what the foreigners think of us, local girls. thanks for your feedback. well appreciated.
♥ adeL darling
i Love my mummy!
mummys are the best people in the world
a million muacks to my beloved mama!
♥ adeL darling
i am guiltily running away from my once called home cos i can't accept the fact that my dad is no longer as before. that is why i kept on wanting to leave home, to leave the country and start anew somewhere else, to leave the sad place that once made me happy. that's why i kept on talking about leaving this place my dear, cos i want to run away from reality, the fact that my dad has changed, for the worse. i didn't give u the reason of why i wana leave because i don't know how to put it.
if i love my people so much how can i bear to leave?
i am selfish.
i can't bear to see the people whom i love go down the drain and i dont have the courage to lift them up. that's why i chose escapism. but what makes me think that somewhere else will be better? i really don't. all i know was that when i was away in the States, i missed home but i loved the way my life was ver there. all the greenery, the flora the fauna. human politics was inevitable and i was part of it but i knew that all that can be avoided if only i was more calm. if only i could see the picture and have not dwelled on the mistakes the person had done. i was superficial, and disgustingly bias. i was dispicable.
i think, i need to change my school of thought and not run away.
i think i need help.
i need help.
♥ adeL darling
♥ adeL darling
